Absurdity of Anniversaries: The Futility of Marking Time

Absurdity and Futility

I have a daily ritual. I do my manifestation chants, update my vision board and revise my arch enemies list, in that order . Finally i sit down to write my daily journal. These days, all these fancy dairies have separate sections for anniversaries. Pages and Pages dedicated to recording anniversaries. Personal, work etc

When did this whole anniversary business start? I saw some schmuck on social media, all proud and puffed up, saying, “Marking the fifth anniversary of my baby calling me Mommy… Blessed.” Blessed? Give me a break.

In this godforsaken universe, I'm all for celebrating the small victories, the fleeting moments that keep us from going completely mad. But this obsession with marking every damn milestone, every event, or even just surviving another year? It's like watching a dog chase its tail, thinking it's going somewhere. Or like an influencer creating content.

Even companies are throwing parties for themselves. "Hey, we've been making cables and motors for 75 years!" Whoop-de-doo.

 I can usually dismiss all this crap with a sneer and a quick doom scroll session on my phone, but then what do you do when an anniversary stares you straight at my face ? Like my 10th wedding anniversary.

Anybody who knows me (fewer than three people) will know that I am not known for penning moving romantic dedications. Sarcasm and dimwit humor are more my forte. But with tremendous courage and resolve, I decided to tackle this adversary/anniversary.

Here's the problem – To celebrate my wedding anniversary, i should take myself seriously first right ? and there lies the problem. I fundamentally believe my existence doesnt matter. Infact, i strongly believe that humanity's collective existence is as insignificant as a movie star's simp fan pouring milk on his poster or a middle class loser jumping to the defense of a politicain/billionaire in social media.

Quips aside, let me elaborate why i hold that all things are insignifcant,including me. I'll probably live till 75, maybe 80 if the machines don't rise up and kill us all. That's a reasonable time to exist, right? But if I were to mark our impact on the universal timeline, how would it look?

Imagine the universe's timeline as a 12-month calendar. The universe explodes into existence at midnight on January 1st. Fast forward to December 31st:

• 10:15 AM – The first apes appear on Earth.

• 11:53 PM – Homo sapiens show up.

• 11:59 PM (47 seconds) – The wheel is invented.

• 11:59 PM (50 seconds) – The pyramids are built.

• 11:59 PM (59 seconds) – Humans land on the moon.

Less than a second. That's our significance.

I know… all you optimistic “Life is beautiful” kinds will be jumping out of your chairs. Your argument is going to be that the insignificance is precisely the reason why we must cherish this limited time on this planet.

Well… I agree with that, but I have another argument in return.

I can make this argument by writing pages about existential nihilism, cosmic significance, and absurdism.But I am not going to do any of that. I am just going to let Rust Cohle explain it.

Given that’s my take on things… how do I justify the significance of my life… let alone a specific event like a “wedding anniversary” in that?

Simple. I will not justify it.

---

Marking Time

She and I have been married for 10 years now. The traditional clichés around such an event are always:

• “She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

• “She completes me.”

• “She is the love of my life.”

While all the above is true, none of it justifies or at least allows me to admit why this anniversary is significant.

To explain that, let me take you down memory lane.

You remember your school, the sunlight slanting through the windows, the rain pounding against your childhood home, the thrill of your first crush, the first amusement park ride. But go back farther, and it's all a blur. You don't remember your first words, your first steps, or why you wore those god-awful outfits in those photos that your parents cherish. There's photographic evidence, but for all practical purposes, you dont remember and therefore you didn't exist. A haze before clarity.

That's how the first 25 years of my life feel. No distinct memories, just a foggy mess.

I wish I could spin tales of childhood trauma, coming of age drama, and the struggles of adulthood. Mix that with some TikTok dance moves, and I'd be a millionaire by now. But I can't, because I don't remember. It's like I woke up in the middle of a movie, the plot already in motion, the characters already developed, and I'm just trying to catch up.

It was as if my brain acted like an incinerator, destroying memories at will, as a protection mechanism or as a cruel trick

If there is one reason to rejoice this anniversary, it marks a line in the sands of time post which I actually felt like I understood the movie, for once . It also marks the period of time to which I can look back and actually remember.

I remember the bike ride, meeting her at arrival gates, sitting inside the car listening to music during a storm, holding hands in the ICU bed (multiple), tears of disappointment, pain of separation, breaking glass, the sound of the ocean, and her face on my shoulder.

While every cell of my rational nihilistic mind tells me that all this is meaningless, I recognize that this mind won’t even exist if I don’t have something to hold on to.

Like a raft in the middle of a stormy ocean. I know it’s pointless, I know there is no shore, but I am glad for the raft.

I am thankful to her for keeping me alive and sane (conditions apply) for 10 years (regardless of how mundane and meaningless my life is).

I know that I can never repay this debt in full, the only wish and hope that I have is to ensure she knows that she is the center of everything… for me.

For me, these anniversaries are less about celebration and more about gratitude.

I know it all will amount to less than a second but am glad i latched on to you during this infinitesimal period of stay in this inconsequential planet in this dying universe

“For whatever it's worth, I'll just say one more thank you. You showed me that life, even mine, is worth saving.”